A Lesson in Life
by punurple
Summary: Response to Challenge at Minerva Magic Thread. The sixth years are about to get their lesson in life. How will it go?


A/N-This little baby is my response to my own Sex Ed Challenge at the Minerva Magic Thread at FAP. I hope you all enjoy. I stayed up late to write this sucker!! Terms of the challenge: 

1. Minerva being forced to teach the class in anyway

2. Her being teased by one of the teachers

3. An over enthusiastic student

4. And a pairing

Disclaimer-Must I? Harry Potter and Co. don't belong to me in any shape, way, or form. Redundant, huh? 

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A Lesson in Life

Her fists clenched, her eyes blazing, Minerva McGonagall made it known that she did indeed have a Scottish temper. "Albus, I REFUSE TO DO IT!!"

Albus blinked and stepped back. A McGonagall with a temper was not something you wanted to touch with a ten-foot wand. He had learned that the hard way in her fifth year. He still had the urge to ribbit every now and then. Albus held up his hands in a calming way, still keeping his distance. "Minerva, clam down. It is only a class."

Minerva huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Only a class my foot. You remember what it was like to teach it, don't you?"

Albus shuddered. He did remember. The giggling, the questions, the embarrassment. It was not something he ever wanted to do again and he was thankful that as Headmaster he would never have to. "Yes, Min, I remember what it was like to teach Sexual Education to the sixth year Gryffindors/Slytherins. I never did understand why we wait so long to teach it."

"Either way, Albus, let Severus teach it for once! I am tired of doing it every year!" Her voice was strained.

Albus shook his head. "Now, Minerva, you lost that bet with Severus fair and square."

She looked him straight in the eyes. "He cheated, Albus, and you know it!"

He smiled. "It would be un-Slytherin for him to not to. Just teach the class Minerva. You're acting rather childish. How bad could it be?"

Minerva raised an eyebrow. "I will have Misters Malfoy, Potter, and Weasley at the same time. How bad do you think it will be?" With that, she stomped out of the door and slammed it behind her.

"I'll take that as a yes."

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As the bell rang the students filed into the classroom. Professor McGonagall stood up front, grimly surveying the battlefield. She cleared her voice and spoke, "Everyone, put your books away. We will not be having a normal class today, which means you all have an extra day to finish your essays on Human Transfiguration-" cheers flew through that class rooms from everyone, except Hermione who looked rather disappointed. " but do not expect it to happen again. Now, every year the sixth years are split into two groups, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs in one, Gryffindors and Slytherins in another, for their Sexual Education classes. I will be teaching you everything you need to know for the rest of the class. I suggest you pay attention. First, we'll start with the reasons for engaging in intercourse."

Several female students in the class giggled while the boys looked nervous or, in Malfoy's case, rather smug. Minerva couldn't help but think that this was going to be a long day.

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"Now, a person is not only involved in sexual intercourse physically," several giggles here, "but emotionally as well." A hand in the middle of the classroom shot up. Minerva had been dreading this. "Mr. Malfoy, what could possibly be so important that you had to interrupt my class."

He smirked and replied, "I was just wondering, Professor, if you have ever had an emotionally involved sexual experience." The Slytherins laughed while the Gryffindors looked at him like he was mad. You don't ask a Professor about their sex life, especially McGonagall!

She raised an eyebrow. "As opposed to what?"

He shrugged. "As opposed to an experience just to get laid." The laughter was even louder.

Minerva took a breath and calmly answered the question. There was no way she was going to let Malfoy get to her during this class. "Mr. Malfoy, whether my sexual experiences have been physical or emotional is none of you business. Unless you would like to share your own with the class, I suggest you be quiet." It was the Gryffindors' turn to laugh. Malfoy frowned and stared her down, but said nothing.

The class returned to an ordered state and Minerva continued on. Just as she was explaining the physical part, she heard Misters Weasley and Potter and Miss Granger whispering in the front row.

"This is so boring. I mean, how hard can it be, Harry? Tab A into slot B, right?"

"Ron, that is so crude!"

"Oh shove it, Hermione, I wasn't talking to you anyway."

"That was pretty blunt though, Ron. But you're right, this is boring. I wonder why Snape isn't teaching us sex ed?"

Minerva turned toward the trio. "To answer your question, Professor Snape is not teaching you all Sexual Education because he is too embarrassed to do so. You three, I suggest you pay attention." She mumbled under her breath as she returned her attention to the class, "Heaven forbid you should need it before you graduate."

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As the students filed out of the classroom, Minerva piled up her papers that needed to be graded. Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around her waist and she jumped. "So, how did it go, my dear?"

Minerva turned around in Albus' arms and smiled, but she looked rather frazzled. "Aside from the comments and the giggling… Severus is teaching them next year."

Albus chuckled and twinkled. "How about we go eat dinner and then spend the rest of the evening relaxing?"

She nodded and kissed him gently on the lips. "Of course, right after I inform Severus that he will be teaching contraception potions next week to the all of the sixth years. He can't get out of that."

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